What's your default trauma response in conflict?
When conflict arises in a relationship, which response do you most often default to?
95 total votes
Comments (10)
I voted fawn but it's really a fawn-freeze combination for me. I agree with everything in the moment (fawn) and then go emotionally numb afterwards (freeze). The agreeing protects me from the conflict and the numbness protects me from feeling the resentment. It's a two-stage defence system.
I selected freeze as well. It is interesting to see it leading in the results. I wonder whether the nature of this community – a space for people working through trauma in relationships – attracts more individuals with freeze and fawn responses, as fight and flight may present differently in terms of help-seeking behaviour.
That is a perceptive hypothesis. Research does suggest that individuals with fight and flight dominant responses are less likely to engage in therapeutic communities, as the fight response may not recognise the need for support, and the flight response may avoid the vulnerability required. Freeze and fawn individuals, by contrast, are often more attuned to relational spaces – though for different reasons.
What I find encouraging about this poll is that every single person here is aware of their default response. That awareness didn't exist for most of us a year ago. Whatever your default is, the fact that you can name it means you've already started changing your relationship with it.
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