Reparenting exercise that my therapist taught me
My therapist introduced me to a reparenting exercise that I've been doing daily and I wanted to share it. It's simple but surprisingly powerful.
Every morning, I take five minutes to place my hand on my heart and say – out loud – the things I needed to hear as a child. Things like: 'You're safe. You're allowed to take up space. Your feelings matter. I'm not going anywhere.'
The first few times I felt ridiculous. Then I cried. Then it started to feel grounding. It's like I'm slowly teaching my nervous system something it never learned: that I am allowed to exist and be cared for.
Has anyone else tried something like this?
Comments (12)
I've tried something very similar and the crying part is so relatable. The first time I said 'your feelings matter' out loud to myself, I was completely unprepared for the grief that came up. It's not just about comfort – it's about mourning what you never received. That grief is part of the process.
Yes, the grief surprised me too. I expected it to feel silly or forced, not devastating. My therapist explained that the emotion is a sign you're reaching the parts that need it most. If it didn't matter, it wouldn't make you cry.
tried this last night and felt nothing at first. then said 'i'm not going anywhere' and just lost it. didn't even know that was the one i needed to hear. thanks for sharing this yuki.
I'm really glad it connected for you, Owen. The phrase that hits hardest is usually the one closest to the wound. 'I'm not going anywhere' speaks directly to abandonment fears, which makes sense for a lot of us here. Keep going with it – it gets easier and deeper at the same time.
I love this exercise and I want to encourage everyone to try it even if it feels awkward. Here's the thing about reparenting – it's not about replacing what happened. You can't undo the past. It's about giving your nervous system a new experience of being cared for, one that it can start to internalise. Every time you say those phrases, you're building a new neural pathway. It's slow, but it's real.
You've articulated the neuroscience behind this beautifully, Keisha. The repetition is key – attachment patterns were formed through thousands of interactions over years, so updating them requires consistent new input. The hand on the heart adds a somatic component that activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is what makes this more than just affirmations. You're pairing words with a physical experience of safety, and that combination is what allows the nervous system to start trusting the message.
Can I ask about the specific phrases you use, Yuki? I've been trying to develop my own list but I find it hard to know what to say. Sometimes I default to things that sound right but don't actually land emotionally.
My core phrases are: 'You're safe right now,' 'You're allowed to take up space,' 'Your feelings matter,' and 'I'm not going anywhere.' My therapist suggested starting with whatever feels most uncomfortable to say, because that's usually where the need is greatest. If a phrase feels hollow, try adjusting the wording until something resonates.
been doing this for two mornings now. still feels weird but a good weird. also noticed i'm slightly less reactive to my inner critic during the day after doing it. might be coincidence but it feels connected.
I'm really moved by everyone's responses. Knowing that this exercise is helping others makes it feel even more meaningful. Something my therapist reminded me of: the point isn't to feel the words are true right away. The point is to say them until your nervous system starts to believe them. Trust the process even when it feels mechanical.
That last point is crucial. People often abandon reparenting exercises because they don't 'feel real' initially. But the feeling of authenticity comes after the practice, not before. Your nervous system needs repetition before it can update its model of safety. Yuki, thank you for sharing this – exercises like this are exactly the kind of practical, grounded tools that make a real difference in recovery.
More from #cptsd_strategies
The inner critic isn't you – it's a protective part that needs updating
Does anyone else get emotional flashbacks without images?
My inner critic was loudest at 3am – here's what I do now
Boundaries aren't selfish – they're survival skills we never learned
Pete Walker's guide to managing emotional flashbacks
2.8K members
Strategies for living with complex PTSD – inner critic work, boundary setting, reparenting, emotional flashback management, and understanding the patterns that formed in survival mode. Practical, compassionate, and trauma-informed.