Tracking my 'protest behaviours' – eye-opening
Started writing down every time I do something to test whether my partner cares. Withdrawing, going silent, saying 'I'm fine' when I'm not. Seeing it on paper is uncomfortable but helpful. Turns out I do it way more than I thought.
Comments (10)
The 'I'm fine' one is my biggest tell. I say it and I know it's not true and my partner knows it's not true but somehow in the moment it feels safer than being honest. Tracking it on paper sounds really uncomfortable but probably really useful.
This kind of self-monitoring is one of the most effective tools for changing attachment patterns. Protest behaviours – withdrawing, testing, saying 'I'm fine' – are bids for connection disguised as disconnection. Your system wants reassurance but has learned to ask for it indirectly. The awareness you're building by tracking them is the first step toward expressing needs more directly.
I started doing something similar a few months ago and it was honestly one of the best things my therapist suggested. The withdrawing pattern was the biggest shock for me – I thought I was just 'giving space' but really I was testing whether they'd come find me.
i do the silent withdrawal thing too. didn't even realise it was a pattern until now. might try tracking it myself.
Have you noticed if tracking them changes how often you do them? Like, does the awareness alone reduce the frequency? I'm curious whether to try this myself.
This is really brave, Chris. Putting a mirror up to your own patterns takes guts. The fact that you're doing it means you're already changing.
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