Modern Attachment Meets Polyvagal Theory: How Providers Can Support Clients in Building Secure Relationships
Modern attachment theory is shifting away from fixed categories – secure, anxious, avoidant – toward understanding attachment as a fluid, moment-to-moment process shaped by nervous system states. Polyvagal Theory adds the how: when we feel safe, our ventral vagal system supports connection and co-regulation; when we perceive threat, we shift into fight-or-flight (anxious, hypervigilant) or shutdown (withdrawn, numb). This webinar with Dr. Porges, Dr. Kelley, and Sue Marriott introduces the MARS model – green for secure and regulated, red for activated, blue for shut down – and how therapists can help clients expand their capacity for secure relating. Worth watching if you want to understand attachment through a nervous system lens.
Comments (10)
Just read this and it connected so many dots for me. The idea that our attachment responses are actually nervous system states rather than just thoughts – that changes how I think about everything. It's not about 'thinking differently,' it's about feeling safe in your body first.
Exactly. Polyvagal theory helps us understand why purely cognitive approaches can feel insufficient for attachment work. When the body is in a threat state, no amount of rational thinking will override the nervous system's protective response. The body must feel safe before the mind can update its beliefs.
This article is really dense but the section on the ventral vagal state was worth the effort. It finally explains why I can know logically that my partner loves me but still feel terrified they'll leave. The knowing and the feeling live in different systems.
struggled with some of the terminology but the main message landed. our bodies learned to protect us and now we need to teach them we're safe. bookmarked it to re-read.
the part about how your nervous system can get stuck in a defensive state is exactly what happens to me. good to know there's science behind it.
The research on this is encouraging. Nervous systems that have become stuck in defensive states can shift over time through consistent co-regulation and felt safety. It may be beneficial to explore somatic approaches alongside cognitive work if you're finding this resonates with your experience.
Shared this with my therapist and she was really pleased I'd found it. She said it ties in perfectly with the somatic work we've been doing. Thanks for always finding such good resources!
I keep thinking about the idea that safety isn't just the absence of threat – it's the active presence of connection. That distinction feels really important for attachment work.
re-read it this morning and the section on co-regulation made more sense the second time. the idea that another person's calm can help calm you – that's what i'm trying to learn to accept.
thanks for sharing this. it's heavier reading than usual but worth the effort. explains a lot about why just telling myself to calm down never works.
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Understanding anxious attachment patterns, building secure communication habits, learning emotional regulation, and developing a more secure sense of self in relationships. Rooted in attachment theory with practical daily application.